CONFIDENCE COMES LATER

I attended the launch of Hollywood Reporter Australia with Hailey Pinto, an actress on Home and Away, who I've been working with.

It was one of those events.

Actors, media personalities, photographers, editors and industry people. A media wall. Cameras everywhere. Some familiar faces, lots of unfamiliar ones, and enough noise to make meaningful conversation almost impossible.

It looked glamorous from the outside, from the inside, it was considerably more chaotic.

I enjoy rooms like this. Not necessarily because of who's in them, but because I find people fascinating. I like watching how they interact. Who looks comfortable. Who doesn't. Who works the room. Who tries too hard. Who says very little. Who somehow seems to know everyone.

But at this event I was most interested in seeing how Hailey navigated the chaos. She was excited to be there, and nervous. Not because she didn't belong, she absolutely did, she just wasn't completely sure of it yet.

There is a difference.

One of the great misconceptions about confidence is that we think it just exists. We imagine confident people walking into unfamiliar places feeling calm, comfortable and certain.

Most don't. Most of us walk into unfamiliar environments wondering some version of the same things. Do I belong here? What do I say? Who should I talk to? Am I doing this right? How long do I have to stay?

The difference is that people who appear confident have just done it a lot of times, they've accumulated enough evidence from previous experiences to keep moving anyway.

The oversized media wall had an endless revolving queue of people waiting for their Hollywood moment. We weren't going to spend the evening standing in it. I watched the photographers click away and then scan the queue, clearly looking for someone recognisable, and saw our opportunity.

I walked over to one of them and smiled. "Looks like a long line of influencers and protein powder people." He laughed. "It's getting a bit much."

"If you don't mind a queue jump, Hailey Pinto, Home and Away cast, is just over there…"

Before I'd even finished the sentence he was saying, "Yes, bring her through," while unhooking the magical red rope bollard and ushering her in for photos.

That was it.

No grand strategy. No pushing. No demanding special treatment.

I read what he needed, I knew what we needed, and there was a solution that worked for both of us. It's something I've learned after years of being in different rooms: everyone in them has their own list of things they're trying to get done. If you can help someone tick something off theirs, quite often they'll help you tick something off yours.

Sometimes you just have to ask.

As the evening unfolded, I watched experience accumulating for Hailey. The room didn't change. The people didn't change. Hailey did. Not dramatically.

There was no life-changing conversation. No extraordinary opportunity suddenly appeared. Nobody important walked across the room and bestowed confidence upon her. It happened through a series of very ordinary moments.

A conversation. An introduction. A laugh. A photograph. Someone offering to make an introduction.

All that remained was the exit. She came, she saw, she got the photos to prove it. But there was one final moment. I suggested she walk over to the Managing Editor, introduce herself, congratulate him on the launch and thank him for the invitation.

She did. Nothing remarkable happened. Which was precisely what made it remarkable. She introduced herself, smiled, was charming and left.

Jumping into an uber I asked her a simple question. "Was this a better experience for you?" The answer came back immediately. "Yes. One thousand percent."

I've thought about that answer quite a bit since, because the difference wasn't really the event, it was experience.

Experience that an unfamiliar room could become familiar.

Experience that conversations didn't have to be perfect.

Experience that you don't need to know everyone.

Experience that sometimes all you have to do is walk across a room, introduce yourself and say hello.

And perhaps most importantly, experience that feeling like you belong and actually belonging are two completely different things.

She hadn't suddenly earned her place in that room during the evening. She already had it. She just left with a little more evidence of it.

I think we all do this, we wait to feel confident before we take the step. Before we make the call. Before we attend the event. Before we launch the business. Before we introduce ourselves. Before we take the shot.

But confidence is often the reward for action, not the prerequisite. Confidence isn’t what we feel, its what we do.

Confidence is often the reward for action, not the prerequisite. The first time is awkward. The second is easier. The third feels familiar. Eventually, something that once felt intimidating becomes normal. Because now you have experience.

The more I experience, the more I realise confidence isn't really a personality trait. It's memory. It's being able to walk into an unfamiliar room and remind yourself: I've done this before.

Which is why I say, confidence isn't something you feel, it’s something you do. Confidence comes later.